I’ve crunched on my ToDo list, got some things done, others didn’t happen, but - things are moving forward. I did all the things that I decided to be most important, and I prioritized my “chosen family” (“Wahlfamilie” in German) over other things. I also stuck to the main rule I’ve decided for myself: If possible, prioritize social time over anything else. So, I’ve met a lot of people I love and cherish this week, went for shares walks, shared lunch or breakfast or dinner, and just made sure to cherish the human connection I’ve - kind of - deprived myself of so much in the nearer past.
I’ve also decided to work on my flat, so I can receive guests again; and cook for and with them, play boardgames, and whatnot …
It still feels weird, though.
Also - it’s interesting that part of me decided to write this post in English, even though I know there’s good reason for that: the emotional part of me works differently and has a different type of access to my emotions when thinking in English than in German, and I can only guess at the reasons (I’m fooling myself here, I know rather well.). I’ve also just finished watching the latest episode of my favourite series (don’t laugh: Grey’s Anatomy), which resonates very well with me in many ways, and also touches subjects dear to me.
Without spoiling too much (I hope), one of the young doctors has been abandoned by her mother in her youth - same as me - and gets struck by that fealing now, when she’s much older, even when she can’t actively remember what happened back then. Her body remembers, though, on a very emotional level. It affects her, and it needed and still needs time to heal. The same is true for me - and healing that way is on my list of things to do, and quite at the top.
I’ve also picked up a book on that topic today, The Body Keeps the Score - Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, and I’ll need to find a moment and the headspace to read it. I don’t think it’ll be exactly easy for me, but important.
It seems like I’ve very well in my “Early Adulthood” stage of Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, which brings the question “Can I love?” (on the German Wikipedia-page: “We are what we love.”), and - kind of - forces the decision between Intimacy and Isolation.
I’m choosing intimacy, and am off to another dinner with friends after translating this (and the previous post).
Take care <3
– count, 27.10.2019 18:33, Berlin
P.S: the picture is of a new power place of mine, and I found it while taking a long long walk today .. which was another item on my ToDo-List ;)