The thing about love ...

Color Wheel of Love
The color wheel theory of love speaks of six types of love, and I think it’s helpful in finding out what’s going on in your relationship life …

What is love? .. baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me .. no more ..

The six types - per Color Wheel Theory of Love are:

  • Eros - physical and romantical attachment
  • Ludus - uncomitted, ego-driven
  • Storge - friendship-based, grown love
  • Pragma (Ludus+Storge) - pragmatic, mutual beneficial
  • Mania (Eros+Ludus) - attached and ego-driven
  • Agape (Eros+Storge) - attached, grown, involved

.. these interpretations are mine, based on this Six Types of Love blogpost.. Note that there seem to be not inconsiderable cross-cultural differences.

Reflecting on these, it feels like Agape would be what one would strive for, while all the others can be seen and experienced in the world .. People deeply in love (Eros), people searching affirmation by sleeping around (Ludus), year-long friends with deep commitment (Storge), marriages that are kept up even without physical or romantic attachment (Pragma), on and off relationships with drama deluxe (Mania), and long-term relationships with deep commitment and physical and romantic attachment (Agape).

So, what does this mean? Well - I guess it strongly depends on which side feels what, or exposes which type of love … and how the other sides act or feel. Reflecting on that can give you and idea where the relationship can go - or if you’re in a poly network, how the network can evolve.

On thing seems to be certain: if Eros isn’t involved, you can pretty much forget about sex ;)

SMBC - Relationships: A Guide

So, how do you find “the one”?

I think Matthew Hussey from HowToGetTheGuy.com has it right - there is no “one” person that’s right for you, there might be literal thousands with whom you could be happy .. but, how would you know whether the one you’re with is the right one .. for that?

He offers five questions for that:

  • Do you want to jump then? - meaning: do you want to have sex with them?
  • Can they scuba dive? - meaning: are they willing and able to spend at least limited time in an environment foreign to them, but which you love?
  • Do they give you brainal? - meaning: are you usually having conversations with them that intellectually stimulate and energize you?
  • Are they worthy of your love at their worst? - meaning: even when the chips are down, are they still decent and loveworth, and not cruel and violent?
  • Does this work in the here and now? - meaning: are both (!) of your personal circumstances and development fitting and conductive for a relationship now?

If you can’t answer all of those five questions in the affirmative, you … might want to move on. Or at least be very aware what’s going on, if you decide to .. maybe waste your time.

Sounds rough? Well, it is.

… “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love - and be loved in return” – the Moulin Rouge

– count, 24.11.2019 23:57, Berlin

P.S: all of that said .. I love a lot of my friends dearly .. guess which way ;) .. <3

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